Healing · New Life

Accepting Things as They Are & Were

2015-06-11 23.30.00

One of the things that’s been a consistent pattern in my healing journey is that with each step of awareness comes a deeper acceptance of what was and is. It can be challenging to hold both the truth of a situation while also acknowledge what needs changing, but it’s what’s necessary if you want to live in the present and truly be free of the past.

Growing up with a challenging upbringing was always something that I struggled to understand and accept. It’s been difficult because the people around me normalized things and tried to convince me that nothing was wrong. Now that I’m gaining more clarity and forming my own opinions based on the knowledge of what is actually healthy, I can now see the huge chasm between the two, come to terms with it all and make some sense of it. What’s even more important it seems is accepting that it was dysfunctional, it did effect me AND it wasn’t my fault.

The deeper I take in this truth and accept it as part of me, part of my his-“story” that I can’t change or take away, the easier it is to take the necessary steps to change things in myself and truly be free. I trust myself and can stand on my own independent of this past and choose not to participate any longer. By accepting it all, I can also look back in hindsight at what was, see where I am now more realistically, and look ahead and create the future I want for myself.

It’s hard to admit and accept that you come from dysfunction. No one wants that. It takes courage to own our past, our negative associations and then to transcend it all by doing our personal work and become the person we are meant to. The more I let go of the shame of growing up with this kind of past, understand how it shaped me and take responsibility to relearn healthier ways of being, the less power it has and the less the past will effect the present.

I can’t change what happened, but I can change how I respond now and how I make sense of it. I can fully embrace it all – for better and worse – and can also start to see some of the coping skills I developed as strengths instead of feeling like they created only weaknesses.

See: Article: “Up from Chaos,” in Psychology Today Magazine, describing some benefits from growing up in a difficult environment.

I can also see  what my weaknesses are, be more realistic and work to change and strengthen them. I can become the Hero of my life instead of a the victim.


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